Well this is embarrassing, folks! Turns out that our new business venture that we had started last year was in violation of many, many health and safety codes. Instead of being shut down immediately, we remained privately operational for use in multiple case studies on negligence, wanton neglect of responsibility, poor management, and also some local school children toured our location during their class’s unit on early 1900’s industrial workplace safety.
While we’re no longer legally allowed to start another business, after multiple name changes and a few favors to the right people, we’re finally ready to unveil our next big venture! Introducing:
Sawmill Studios: Industrial/Lumber/Chemical/Manufacturing Supplies and Services!
(We’re still workshopping the name)
***Please note that you can never refer to us as a “Store”, “Shop”, “Outlet”, or a “Commercial Business” during transactions with us. Failure to adhere to this rule will result in a “removal” of “you” from the premises.***
So what is it that we have?
Supplies
Gas Loot Box! - ($0.01/cubic m¹ meters cubed)
Turns out one of the sealed rooms of the warehouse we’re renting has a gas leak. As for which gas, maybe Chlorine? Not sure, the intern didn’t want to answer when we sent her in. Unrelated, we could use a new intern. (Buyer to collect)
Herbert the Eternal; Vanguard of the Nine - ($72,000)
Sorry buddy, we have to make ends meet somehow. He comes with his 16 Champions and his trusty steed Fortuna.
KRAZY BRICKS -
(4 payments of
only $19.99)
WoOOOooAAAH! Look out for these wacky little guys!!! From the makers of the Krazy Rivets and the Krazy 90° pipe segment!
Fiber Optic Cable - ($0.45 per fluid ounce)
Available in batches of 33⅓, 52.5, and 101 yards.
2x4x4x4x4x4x4 Hickory Planks - (4)
Do be careful handling these bad boys! Their dimensions are a bit unstable and might create extra-dimensional rifts if agitated.
W̴̻̱̤̿́̑̐̂̅o̷̝͈͎͔̯͕͂̏̑u̴͇͋̔̾̿͜͝͝l̷̢̫͎̀d̴̢̩̘̺̦͂n̵͍̰̭͓̫͌̀̒̀̈͘’̷̝͘ẗ̷͚̟̬̖͓̗́̍̅̿͠ ̷̢͎͈̥̄̈́͘̕w̷̬̳͈̟̅ǎ̴̮̗̈́n̶͔̟̲̝̝͑́͘t̵̨͙̆ ̷̩͓͆͋̇̒̕ͅa̵̬͌͌n̵̨̥̕o̵̘̱̅̈́̄̓͜͝͝t̵͕̖͛̿̊h̵̪̤͎̪̜̋̿̂̓̎ḙ̸̛̳̯͓͉́̓͐͋͜ȑ̵͕̌̈́̔̿͝ ̷͔͗̂́i̵̲͓̱͒ń̵̩̼̥̃̈́ͅc̵̲̫̲̹̙̙͑̿̃̀̎ȉ̸̺̱d̸̢̺͕̘͙͌͑̐͘e̸͖͓̝͎͖̫̽ñ̴̩̫͕̯̮͛ṭ̵̨͚͓̂̈́̽̀̒ ̶̠͚̻̖̥͒̀͘w̷͍̰̣͙̑̃̔ǫ̸̘̩͓̳̮̈́u̸̼̮͎̭̼̍̂̾l̵̟̔ḓ̸̤̳̺̙́̈́̿ ̷̢͇̙͍́̓̂̈́ͅw̷̧͙̹̳̦̜͑͗̈̈͘ȩ̵̜̈́?
Services
General Contractor Contractor -
(5% Finders Fee)
In the event you need to find a General Contractor for your projects, we can hook you up! Don’t worry, we won’t do any actual work!
Safety Inspection - (Future Favor)
We managed to pilfer a Safety Inspector’s badge and ID number, so if you’re ever worried about passing that next inspection, you can call a more friendly and understanding inspector ;)
Mineshaft workers - ($450/hour)
Turns out a lot of those kids from the local school are really into Minecraft, so we can host a “Local Minecraft Fan Meetup” at your place of business for a day!
Scapegoat -
(Market Price)
In the event you need a scapegoat for anything, we’ll be first to take the blame for you! Whether you need to deflect a personal scandal, correct a PR move that backfired, or just want to distract the media and your consumer base for a bit with fake drama, we’ll take the heat!
Ventee -
(Therapy costs for our staff)
Sometimes you just have to let out some pent-up frustration. We’ll be here to listen to your problems or to get shouted at for something unrelated to us. Mental health is important!